/* Editor is LUM MI-FERN --- My Grotesque Caricature*/




Thursday, September 28, 2006




“If life is half-roped, mean it as what it was meant to be”



Be it short, bittersweet. May it be sinfully discerned, thus, immaturely devilish.

posted by fern at 02:13 0 Comments

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I thought I’ve dispatched long ago into the epoch. Damn, it keeps coming back. Wanna follow the flow, go down to it, quenched and desert it..can i? It’s up to the strength of the mind. Wanna anew.

cw : be on your stand la since you’ve decided already!
me : Scold me. Scold me. Scold me.

Suddenly the past became so significant. Weird. It’s like granduncle sipping tea in the old coffee shop, looking above the ceiling, staring at the propelling plates of the fan and thinking aback, because he does not wanna think what’s ahead.

Why am I so stubborn today…...and absurd too.

posted by fern at 00:06 0 Comments

Thursday, September 21, 2006

There will be places we would go, these are the places we would end up, then move on, places after places, and places again. Will it be adjourned, ever? Today, I discovered a new place. If would be another dimension, another premiere to myself. Maybe it has been there for quite some time. Maybe I have been there, left it, and been there again. Spherical isn’t it? These are called places. Imagine those who are entrapped in only dimension. It’s so annoying, you can only walk one-sided. Sounds like South Park to me. It’s nice and foul, both. Being in few places/dimensions, really nice, just difficult to draw it out, eg. 4D,5D…so on.

What does adjourn mean? Postponed? Denied? For me is additional + journey =adjourn.
And that is the new place I discovered I guess. Not very sure, but definitely something I have not seen in myself before. Being stubborn makes me so blind sometimes I hate that attitude so much. It just can’t get off me because it runs in me, and ruins me at the same time.

I missed some fun and gained some fun. Both different funs, ironic.

Poised, too much reading of crappy stuff perhaps..it’s like another good damn thing in life, reading crappy stuff, it becomes such a companion during late nights aka. early mornings. And now, wanna continue to read my crappy stuff… it’s not illegal, friends, it’s just crappy which makes me spend throughout the night lately.

posted by fern at 01:45 0 Comments

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Celebrations could be roaring nowadays. It is so fierce, it conquers the quiet hearts of rejection. This week is gonna be a partie week! Then, rest for finals, then, I HAVE 4 DAYS IN KL TO SHOP! Everything is so uproaring, no explanation, so succumbed to it..so fast..so quick..scared of the speed and rush ahead. Speed that is something moving so fast where you can’t eventually see it’s moving.

Got myself back after a blurry Monday, which was yesterday. Feel great, amused and surprised with a few surprises. I should chant myself for books, and books, and nothing else but books. But, quoting from above, This week is gonna be a partie week! Maybe need some purification, life is back with no more assignments! Just for the mean time, I am so into the flow, speed and everything static.

CW: Tomorrow nite, 10pm.
Me : orite, msg me 15mins before time. Not free, but okla.
CW: Same, not free but okla.

YL: Don't you think so? I realised two times already..
Me: Muahahaha!

posted by fern at 02:59 0 Comments

Friday, September 15, 2006

Last night I had this terrestrial rock on me. It was as though a cloud of heavy mist, blocking every single thing. Can’t explain it, just felt heavy. It’s not about work, not about exams. Maybe are those words. Maybe should go unleash a little. Should clear things, should remind myself about directions and care about bilingual ethics more. Yea, these are the things I like doing. I don’t wanna loose my ethics, I don’t wanna loose myself again.

I just wanna drive home with my tarantula by my side,
through South-East,
with greens and heavy winds.

Dream to have the cowboy hat on me,
Extinguishing the desert sun,
As a betrothed punishment
Towards the day after.

One after another station
Going by, gone.

What I saw was like a filmstrip,
What am I seeing?
Not road.

Oh, what the hell..
Come beam on me
Because I am not afraid.
Because I am heading my way.

posted by fern at 17:43 0 Comments

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

If I could sort out, I have already sorted. If I could dive down, I had done. Sometimes I am so agitated, but things would pass me by, as just time. Bear it insolence, disputes, perfunctory in every damn thing. When we live, we want too much. When we die, nothing is in the coffin except the corpse.

What am I tonight?

What are you staring at?

Of what prominence are you?


If I wish, I wish to take it all. Though, what I crave is not at all what I wish for. What I truly want is what I crave for.

And if relentlessly I am tired and fucked up, I will just go to sleep. Tomorrow’s daylight will create my silhouette right again.

Do I sound crumpled? Actually I am not. Haha.

posted by fern at 03:23 0 Comments

Monday, September 11, 2006

Had a weekend unlike weekend. Everything so suppressed, similar to a pressurize vessel. Time could be so insufficient, but meaningless. The map of neutrality could be too difficult to draw. Even the best expeditors could not achieve it. I wanna be neutral, lovely and all, but is just so difficult. Is harshness really the solution? Or I need a lighter attitude towards things. I receive and have to accept condemns, unconditional words because ? I am not good enough, not up to demand and imperfect. How should I reply? Cry to the wall or fuck at their faces? People and places.. always wrong and unwanted. I would not want anything anymore for today…Perhaps I could say I had a bad and tired day taking account all those rubbish...but wanna just take off my hat and release my hair for a while.. wanna shout “INTELLIGENCE TELLS IT ALL!!!” plus my guardian angel by my side…a reason worth to rise and be happy again ^_^

posted by fern at 01:15 0 Comments

Thursday, September 07, 2006

GUBRA

It would be a lesson that should be learnt and take front of. A sinner could revolt, a perfect husband could be the perfect deceiver and even the most religious couple could enjoy a kiss during their prayers. It’s just admirable how decisions decide where we end up to be. It implements the logic descendant. It’s love that make us last forever, it’s lust that makes it all change. It’s always feelings that storms in when we are lost, shadows the pride and cowardice takes place. But somehow, even when you loose hope, you’ll never loose your faith.

If a picture paints a thousand words, I’ll depicture all of it into thousands of masterpieces. Hanging by the moment, think of your love ones… I miss home…

posted by fern at 01:23 0 Comments

Sunday, September 03, 2006

The cosmic years..


α

Times where homework and assignments are not so important.
Times where EP is one of the worse hostels around.
Times where campus became our hang out place.
Times where suppers were every night without fail.


β

Super duper big lecture rooms where you can’t even find your friends.
Skip class like mad.
Most friends left.
Supper was only during weekends.


γ

Clubs and societies became a part of my life.
Homework and assignments are no longer ignorance.
More friends getting attached and busy.
Supper was once in a while.


∆

Homework, assignments and projects are my life.
Home is like my work place, work the shit outta me.
Friends became independent.
Supper was very infrequent.


So, what would happen in Epsilon?

posted by fern at 20:38 0 Comments

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Stupid stupid stupid stupid. In fact, I didn’t know what I was doing also. I wasn’t prepared, didn’t do my proper research and always end up in the drain or somewhere. Need to improvise. Damn it. 1 more month~ This is the outcome of less integrity and intelligence. Learn from mistakes and add oil, add add oil~

messy neural connection

messy lifestyle

everything so messy...

messy messy messy

posted by fern at 14:38 0 Comments