/* Editor is LUM MI-FERN --- My Grotesque Caricature*/




Thursday, November 26, 2009

Glory Glory

Music: One by One, The Calling
Book : The Post Office, Charles Bukowski
Mood: Heavy but Happy and Excited to be home

Hell week almost done, left one more day to go. Today was a massive battle in the afternoon at the meeting room, where so many staring eyes judging your performance, your presentation, your capabilities, your body, your clothes, all of you. It's like stepping into the land of mines, where unknown land mines are laid unnoticeably. One wrong step, one wrong word and harvest the homing missiles. There was I, trying to deploy and convince my idea, my creation, my work to the big bang table. It came too fast to even feel any of it, and gladly, there was some agreeable verdict, thank god, hard work (not really hard work) got paid off. At least it didn't waste away my thinking acids. It was so spontaneous, you could die of spontaneity. And can't believed i presented for 1 hour plus without any aids at all! That's scary. And i wanted to talk more even, hillariously unbelievable as i use to think how could people just stand in front there and talk so long, how could my boss always hovers like an annoying bee, how how, i will never and can never do that. and now i am doing it @.@..

Anyhow, the worst for today is over. Let's start facing the worst of tomorrows and never ending tomorrows.

As most of us are awaiting to harvest the ripen fruit, of what we call bonus, incentive, 13th month, AWS(Annual Wage Supplement), motivation, whatsoever you call it... i am finally feeling it.. not that it paid off the hard work shit, but more to i really deserve this badly to pay the bills and put bread and butter on the table. HAHAHAHA. For the first year of working life, you barely knew where you were heading, but when it hits the second, you somehow know where you are going.. maybe not to the ideal place, but the least, some place not unknown.

So now i am feeling the glory of being the household hope, or what my family likes to call it "the big water hose", which supplies water sufficiently to keep everyone clean and warm. Very brief, it feels so darn good bringing home money. It's not really the money, it's about fulfilling your role. The baggage is getting heavy, but by carrying it, i have satisfaction. It really feels good to finally be useful, to be the one sharing the burden, and seeing your love ones stop worrying about you, increasing the inch of trust and letting you take the lead. The reverse lead has taken its toll.

I hope i can do more for them. I hope the road is not rocky. I hope it will come true. But it's okay if nothing does, i will still be me, just the directions differing. Maybe we can plan a little in life, but never expect the fruits to be a definite sweet.

The winds of the summer sea
Be it as it can be
Go as you may sail
Go as you may trail

Colour me rainbow
Peering through like a growing sow
Are you looking?
Yes I am looking
For the rainbow's end pot of gold

Good night, and may you have a great rest in the long weekend ahead! (mine would be longer, haha)


posted by fern at 00:04 0 Comments

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The profound literaries

I am not wholly ready for my Shakespeare's complete collection, don't even dare to sneak a word or two. That's why I bought it for $9.90 at a book fair to keep it forever in the cabinet :P I am currently into Oscar Wilde, absolutely thumbs up! De Profundis, all you need to know about the soul of socialism, can't wait to finish it because it is so emotionally arousing!! And, for the second time, re-borrowing Voltaire's Dictionary, only selecting distinct titles to read off, yet, still such an enchanted book about mankind. I am keen to find more books about Sun Yat Sen, and maybe proceed to some warfare items. Visited his historical sites in both Penang and Singapore, inspirational.

I skipped Da Vinci's at Singapore Science Centre few months ago, thinking the description was rather for kids, however, feeling kind of regretted that i missed it though. Wished to visit the Louvre one day..to witness his original works and some of the greatest creation which created the future we ever behold.

Found out that Tchaikovsky was gay on Friday. Damn, i have always loved his pieces, very intriguing and specifically sounding. Though i have not played the piano for almost a decade now, i still appreciate old classicals a lot. And i could say, it soothes and solves problems at times.

Most of the namely great people are gay, Wilde was gay too, but he wrote like a goddess. I admire their courage to commit to the most unnatural at that decade which was almost impossible to accept indifference or adversities. To modify perspectives, to create individualism and to push mankind to another level. Very very inspiring.

Literature, music, art and culture are such beautiful literaries that gave man his profound colour. I love it and will love it forever more till the day I stop existing.

posted by fern at 01:56 0 Comments

Thursday, November 05, 2009

A Thinker's Button

I am very deluded. Why didn't our education system made us more indifferent? Rather just cloning our brains as workers, non-thinkers, restricted capabilities and in the worst, EQ isn’t in the list at all. Indifferent in the senses of striking creativity, opinionate subtleties and having the will of its own to create a borderless society.

It is sad but we have to admit that we are still following, and not even any near behind.

There was a distinct conversation with and between my two colleagues in the car one late night. Asians are programmed to be more averaged, less bad, less good, neither maximum nor minimum, to stay at a manageable level and always encrusting a harmonious propaganda as our crucial objective. Westerners are less programmed, but trained to use their own thinking in performing tasks. So the good or bad is not programmed, but based very lot on the personal character to grow into it. They have a lot of peaks, whilst, us do not even dare to dream of the peaks. They are very successful people, yet, could be big fat villians. For them, consequences are experience, nothing is good nor bad. We are people who 'think' we wanna be happy, live for a better life. Therefore, we work towards that, most of the time, forgetting about dreams, the impossibles, for only rationalities lived. We are different from them, but none other indifferent from each of us. They are unique, successful in their own ways and rude.

Their country produces leaders, creators, entrepreneurs, masterminds. We produce workaholics, followers, weak minds. To be at par, we need to be substantially different, but I have to say, to be the latter has much more happiness than the aforementioned. Balancing the universe, we tend to lose one when we grasped another. When we already have one set of character cemented into our souls, it seems too difficult to be true to cast another type into the same soul. A lot of us are working to it, and that is where virtues start to run loose, ethics disappear and most probably love and pity does not work on you anymore. If one chooses integrity, honesty and good angelic acts, you are easily succumbed to the dark society. Aren’t you at middle-of-no-where? All in all, I don’t mean having one thing will definitely make you lose the other, but you most probably would. If you could grasp the best of both worlds, then you are one lucky person on the streets.

If you want it, you need to work along all your ways to get it. If you do not want it, never hope, never dream, never think like you ever want it as it will feel like a mundane torturous grail of poison that barely keeps you alive.

Some things are just worthless. I am not saying it is better to be at the other side of the river, but it does looks greener. And things, as it is, does not last.

posted by fern at 15:52 0 Comments