The crawling nights
At times like this, a sudden gush sent me a message through that I would really like you to know I still care. But seems like, fate does not underlay everything. Most probably all these while it's really about me, and not about you, you and you. I did not persevere, I did not make the effort, I was selfish, stinky and lazy. I was the cynic you could not accept but adored dearly.
Almost lived up my quarter of century. My mind seems to be fully disdained tonight, in fact purely for the whole day. I could not live up to being emotional aside at work. It seems easy, but it's hard, I could not. I lost someone last week. Thinking back of the people i loved and cared all these while, worth or not worth, there were no regrets. I begin to hate myself for not treasuring the people around me back then, I hate the ticking chimes, which obliviously took away all my happy times. What if one day, it was again to happen and not just 'someone' but .. someone i can't live without, someone so precious to even count for.. How to accept? How will it do me? It will always be a loosing war towards death. Sad. Terrified to even think of. Why must there be goodbyes? Where do you go after that?? Answer me, anyone...
posted by fern at
02:13
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